Sometimes I mull over the things I read for days. For some reason, Alanna McGinn's blog post Stop Trying to Teach Your Baby to Self-Sooth really stuck with me. It argued that sleep training is not about teaching your child to self-sooth but rather, that they are capable of sleeping on their own.
Capability.
It weighed on me. As a new mother, had I completely missed the boat with my first child? Was I so sleep deprived that I didn't see the signs that she was, in fact, capable?
I should disclose that I have never been interested in trying the cry it out method. I think that whatever method you choose is up to you - no judgement here! I just couldn't do it - and neither could my husband for that matter.
Capability.
We tried everything short of having her cry it out. Each time we made a concerted effort to have our little one fall asleep on her own, we all ended up with less sleep. For the most part, we just let her fall asleep in our bed and then moved her once she had fallen asleep. Most nights she would stay there for 12 hours. It was working for us.
Capability.
Then our son was born. Our daughter was 2 years and 4 months old. She was over the moon to be a big sister and lavished affection on her brother. This meant that she wanted to sleep where he was - all night. And he was in a crib, in our room.
Our nights became full of tiny ninja kicks between feedings. Although I would often retreat to the couch to get some rest, we found that everyone still slept better. Our son was a decent sleeper off the bat, sleeping 8 hours overnight. Our daughter would sleep 12 hours on average without waking and, if she did, a little cuddle and she was back to sleep. No tears.
Capability.
Fast forward to today, she is 2 years and 10 months old. This week, I decided that she was ready to try again. I took her to her big girl bed, read her a story and said that I would stay with her until she fell asleep. She asked once to go to Mommy & Daddy's bed. I told her that her room was cool and she agreed. By the third night, she would go to her own room at bedtime. No tears. She even only asks to hold my hand for a few minutes before she tells me she is "finished" and goes off to sleep. I often leave the room with her sleepy but awake.
Capability is the extent of someone's ability.
Do I think I missed the early signs of her readiness to sleep on her own? No....I really don't. When she was ready, she did it. She showed me she was capable. Sometimes, capability just takes awhile.
Stop Trying to Teach Your Baby to Self-Soothe
Stop Trying to Teach Your Baby to Self-Soothe
Stop Trying to Teach Your Baby to Self-Soothe
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